To Whom It May Concern:

(written the in singular, meant to be read in plural)

I thought of you today. Sitting down at Starbucks trying to study gastric secretions, I couldn't quite remove you from my mind. It was odd, because gastric secretions don't normally remind me of you, and I have to say I started getting this weird feeling in my stomach. Perhaps it was the hypochondriac in me. Either that or the coffee. Soon I started humming an unfortunately familiar tune for no, apparently, good reason. I thought maybe I should just call you, all of you. Then I finally figured it out, Starbucks was playing this favorite little tune of our good friend Jack. So I went back to studying, telling myself I'd call another day, though not first without thinking how it is possible for an old lady to swallow a whole petting zoo full of animals.

Your friend,
Tuesday